In the words of a wise friend of mine, “You can always find a man who can’t get a girl, but never will you find a woman who can’t get a man.” His reason? “Women choose.” The statement raised a big “huh?” in my mind because I believed the opposite. I believed that men did all the choosing, which is why I was either plucked or dumped, liked as a friend, or loved as a partner. They choose based on their carnal desires and limitations. I believed that the very essence of a man asking a woman to marry him was his way of demonstrating the ultimate choice. But as my oracle continued, I realized that he was right. Women choose if they want to give you their real phone number and name, accept your date offer, whether or not they want to sleep with a man, and ultimately if they will accept this ring the man is offering them along with his last name all while he is on bended knee (almost ironically begging). We do choose.
The conflict arises when who we choose does not measure up to what we want, but that doesn’t mean that we don’t have the final say in the state of our relationships. What women must realize that there is a system that wants us to believe that we do not choose, because perhaps if we did, we would recognize and manifest our power. If we stay convinced that we are powerless victims of our romantic relationships, we won’t start pursuing what we actually want and deserve and continuously settle for what is given to us.
The awareness of this fact should bring about a sense of empowerment yes, but with power comes much accountability. Once women realize that we choose, then who is truly to blame for the fact that you are “stuck” with a jack ass that doesn’t return your phone calls or take you out? We are. When I am on the hunt for a pair of black leather thigh high boots, I don’t go to the mall and settle for pink sandals! Our ability to choose crosses all boundaries. Sure we cannot determine who we are exposed to, or happen to run into while pumping gas, but we do have the choice in how we respond to those chance meetings.